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The #IAmWhole Project | Emily's Story

October 10, 2016

My journey is not how I envisioned it. 

I have always wanted to be a mother. Not just a mother but a mother of many. I have 2 siblings (I'm the middle child) and we are all perfectly spaced out; approximately 2 years apart. That is how I saw the age gap of my children. My husband is the second oldest of 4. Their age gaps are spread out. We both knew we wanted multiple children and 2 years apart sounded good to us. 

 

My husband and I were pregnant pretty quickly with our first child. From the positive pregnancy test up through the delivery, everything was smooth sailing. No complications at all. We were so fortunate, blessed, and thankful. She is now 3.5. 

 

We assumed it would be easy to be pregnant again.

When she was about 14 months, we decided it was time to grow our family. I had a good feeling that it wouldn’t take us long to have a positive pregnancy test. About 3 months later we were pregnant! We were so overjoyed with the news. I called my doctor to set up my 1st appointment. It was scheduled for Oct. 22nd 2014. It seemed like the wait was long and the weeks were slow. When we finally went in, I was anticipating the sounds of my baby’s heart and the picture on the ultrasound. The doctor was taking measurements as I stared at my baby on the screen. I was smiling from ear to ear. Then she told me that the baby was measuring at 8 weeks and I was measuring at 8.5. I was still smiling, not understanding the news she was about to share with me. Then I asked how the heart beat was, and she said the heart stopped beating several days ago. 

 

The wait for a natural miscarry was long. 

I cried. I cried the whole car ride home. I cried for days and weeks. We decided I wanted my body to function naturally with the miscarriage. I also knew that if I waited too long, my body could get an infection. 2 weeks had passed, and I decided to try a prescription. It didn’t work. A couple days later I tried another. My uterus didn’t want to give up the baby. We finally scheduled a D & C, knowing I have carried this baby who would not be born alive for 3 weeks. Several days before my surgery my body kicked in and I miscarried. That was the hardest month of my life. 

 

The doctors’ suggestion….

We decided we didn’t want to wait the 3 months that the doctors suggested to try to get pregnant again. In December I had an implantation pregnancy (egg and sperm meet but the fertilized egg did not implant in the uterus). I took my test a couple days early and it came back positive. Then a couple days after my period was due, I had very heavy bleeding. The following month I also tested positive. I was shocked. Just couldn't believe it. 

 

Just when we thought things couldn't get worse. 

I called the doctor to set up my 1st ultrasound which would have been around 8 weeks. I only told a couple of very close friends that I was pregnant so they could keep us in their prayers. As the weeks went on, the physical pain got worse. I knew I was pregnant and that pregnancy came with bodily changes and discomfort. BUT NOT LIKE THIS. I remember having severe pain several times but just brushed it off. I started to get sciatica pains to the point where I couldn't move. However, I thought things were normal. Then one evening I was resting on my couch and I had a pain that felt like my ovary burst. I yelled. I yelled loudly. At that point we decided I needed to take a trip to the ER.  They checked me in quickly, asked lots of questions and took me back for an ultrasound. The healthcare providers didn’t see the baby, (I would have been 5-6 weeks) but they did see unwanted fluid. Moments later, my doctor came in and said that it was an ectopic pregnancy (the fertilized egg implants in the fallopian tube, rather than the uterus, and there is no room for the baby to grow). My right fallopian tube burst, and I needed to have immediate surgery because my body was filling up with blood. 

 

WHAT? My tube burst? I could die? Surgery? Within 30 minutes I kissed my husband and off I went. I woke up several hours later. As I was coming out of anesthesia I remember them bringing my husband down to sit with me. I remember drinking juice and asking for pain meds. I had to sit for an hour until I was ready to go home. Everything was a whirlwind. I just lost my baby, lost my right tube, had surgery, and am now going home. 

 

Then I hit rock bottom. 

If I had to diagnose myself, I would say I came down with postpartum depression. I just had 2 miscarriages in the matter of a couple months. I cried daily. I would just sit on my couch and cry for hours. I couldn't believe that the Lord would take away 2 of my babies.  How could he do that to me? I became very angry at God and very angry at friends that were announcing their pregnancies.  But I had to pull myself together, for I had a child to care for. But how do I do that? How do I just pick up the pieces and become “myself” again? It took months. Several months. Everyone says that time heals. It did. 

 

Prayer and trusting in HIS promises.

As the months went on I slowly started healing. I had friends and family praying for me. I knew that there had to be a reason for the emotional pain I was going through. I knew God had a plan. I started to reach out to other ladies who had ectopic pregnancies. They were very encouraging and went on to have more children. We decided to start trying again after several months. Every month I would take an ovulation test and every month my anxiety would be off the charts. Did we hit the ovulation dates right? When can I take my next pregnancy test? Am I pregnant or not? It totally consumed me. In January I decided to not even take the ovulation test. I knew which side ovulated (I feel the dull pain in my ovary) and I knew it was my right side. Why even try when my right tube doesn't exist? As the couple weeks passed, I decided to take a pregnancy test to ease my anxiety. To my complete SHOCK, I was pregnant. 

 

This is HIS testimony. 

I was still in shock. Just couldn't believe it. I cried and laughed. The Lord would give me a positive test the SAME WEEK as my 1 year anniversary of my Ectopic pregnancy. He would allow me to get pregnant WHEN I WASNT TRYING. I would get a positive test the NIGHT BEFORE our adoption meeting (we were starting the process). And God would have my right ovary release its egg and find its way to MY LFET TUBE! And God took away the fluid in my uterus they saw in my 1st ultrasound (the doctor saw fluid that shouldn't be there and led me to believe it was the start of a miscarriage). HOW AWESOME IS OUR GOD! He has shown himself to me in so many ways through this pregnancy. He has kept his promises. He has fulfilled my desires. My story is his testimony. 

 

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Did any part of Emily's story resonate with you? Send us an email! We would love to connect with you. Read more about the #IAmWhole project here

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